Thursday, March 25, 2004

~The Feeling of Power~

Friday, March 12th was great. I was feeling good. I was reading something (now I can't remember what it was) and it had to do with dressing how we feel. I realized that my general choice was a big t-shirt and roomy cotton pants. While I like wearing it and it's comfortable I just felt like dressing up last night. I had a council meeting to go to and then had no other plans.

I put on a slinky, clingy black shirt that I picked up from Torrid in San Diego (gotta love that store!), my baggy jeans, black 4 hole docs, and chunky silver jewelry. I actually wore some eyeliner and mascara (I rarely wear makeup) and painted my lips a bright red that I adore. I tied a red and purple scarf in my hair and I was ready to go.

Everyone at the council meeting was amazed. It was so nice to get compliments on my appearance.

I debated on going out after but I decided that I didn't want to sit in a crowded and smoky club so I stopped at the Navy base liquor store and picked up a 6 pack of beer to take home (it'll probably take me a month to drink, but that's ok).

It all came crashing down when I heard the comments from some of the guys in the store. I held my head high and concluded my business and left the store. There were so many things I wanted to scream at them.

You know, if a guy doesn't like the way I look, that's fine, that's his opinion. But he doesn't have to be rude or make fun. I came close to calling someone out last night. Not for me, I'm married, my spouse thinks I'm wonderful, but for the next fat girl and the next, who might hate herself just a little bit more because of what some stupid guy is saying about her. I so wanted to stand up for her rights.

For me, I don't care much. In fact, when I heard the whispers behind me I put a bit more sass in my walk. Don't like it, don't look.

The funniest part was when I got home. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been in that store dozens of times at all hours and days, with different people and alone. I've never had that happen before. Then I realized, I've never gone in that store dressed up like I was going clubbing.

That's when I truly realized that I was a threat to them and they didn't know how to deal with it, and couldn't handle it.

Like I said, it was a great Friday night.

I got home, drank a beer, and reveled in the power.

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